And she’s not alone. Dr. Stephanie McNally, an OB/GYN, certified menopause practitioner, and director of OB/GYN services at the Katz Institute for Women’s Health, works alongside Paolilli. Her take? “If something’s painful, why are you going to do it?” she says. “We’re here to make sex better—more comfortable and more satisfying.”
If you’ve seen products like Zestra or the EROS device pop up in your feed and wondered if they’re worth the investment, here’s what to know.
Why midlife sex can feel different—and why that’s normal
When estrogen drops, so does blood flow to the genitals. “You need blood flow to the area, good neurologic function, and normal muscle tone,” says Paolilli, explaining that arousal depends on more than just hormones or mood.
Less estrogen means thinner tissue, dryness, and less elasticity in the vaginal and vulvar area. Clitoral sensitivity can fade. And if discomfort becomes part of the experience, desire tends to check out entirely.
That’s where certain stimulation tools come in—not just to spice things up, but to support the body’s underlying arousal systems: vascular, neurologic, and muscular.
What these tools are actually doing
The goal of a menopause libido booster isn’t just to “turn you on”—it’s to support the physical systems that help you feel turned on in the first place. From circulation and nerve activation to muscle responsiveness, these devices target the real, biological changes that can dull sensation or make intimacy feel more effort than ease.
Vibrators: For rebuilding sensation and reactivating nerves
Let’s retire the idea that vibrators are just for “spicing things up.” They’re actually one of the most effective tools for supporting healthy sexual function during and after menopause.
How they help: By providing rhythmic stimulation to the clitoris or vulva, vibrators can restore blood flow and help re-sensitize nerve endings—especially after a long period of low activity.
Best for: Rebuilding sensitivity, supporting orgasmic response, and increasing awareness of what feels good again.
Watch for: Materials matter—go for silicone, and clean regularly with gentle soap or a toy-safe cleanser.
Cost range: $35 to $150. Entry-level models offer plenty of benefit.
EROS device: For targeted blood flow and gentle stimulation
If you’ve ever felt overstimulated by vibration—or underwhelmed by creams—this vacuum-style device might be your just-right option.
How it works: This FDA-cleared device uses gentle suction to increase clitoral blood flow and engorgement, acting like a mini vacuum pump for arousal.
“It’s basically a suction vacuum for clitoral stimulation with the idea that it’s going to increase blood flow and engorgement,” explains Paolilli. “That will help with sexual satisfaction, desire, and orgasm. There really isn’t any risk to its use. But it can cause some bruising.”
Best for: Low arousal or muted sensation, especially if traditional vibrators feel overstimulating.
Safety notes: Use light pressure at first to avoid irritation. Solo use is recommended; not designed for partner play.
Cost range: $150 to $250. High-end but backed by clinical data.
Zestra arousal oil: For warming up the nerve endings
Think of this as a warmup serum for your nerve endings—designed to gently dial up sensation before intimacy begins.
What it does: A blend of botanical oils applied to the clitoral and vulvar area 5 to 15 minutes before intimacy, Zestra enhances warmth, blood flow, and surface sensation.
“I really recommend Zestra a lot because you can use this a little bit before your sexual encounter,” explains McNally. “You place it on the clitoral region and along the vulva before you're intimate. It’s not necessarily an immediate fix, but it can help improve arousal and orgasm when used consistently.”
Best for: Mild to moderate arousal difficulties; pairs well with other tools or use on its own for foreplay.
Things to know: Not a lubricant. May cause tingling. Test on a small area first.
Cost range: Approximately $30 for six to nine applications. No prescription needed.
The bottom line
You don’t need to “fix” your libido—you just need tools that support your body where it is now. Devices that boost blood flow, stimulate nerves, and reduce friction (literal and emotional) can help bring desire back online—maybe not overnight, but certainly over time.
